Sometimes my blog entries are harsh. Like the last one.
But my intention is to tell it like it is--in the moment. And to do some reporting from the sidelines like you don't normally get to see.
What single people don't experience is the day-to-day kid raising. It entails much more than that, but it can all be boiled down to--a change in everyday routine--you either have a kid and take care of it, or you don't and you have only yourself to take care of.
What parents don't usually do is talk to people outside of their home, during those day-to-day moments. Parents work, it's true, but it's coupled with kid-raising.
And in these moments of kid-raising, things can get pretty hairy. Kids make parents want to pull their hair out.
Do you know any parents? Do they say kid-raising is easy?
I want to give people a look inside the madness, from the trenches, by writing down exactly what I'm feeling, when I'm in the moment. It helps me self-medicate.
Right now in my life I've got a lot going on. School full-time, and raising kids. So shit is stressful and it's a perfect time to vent, right?
Giving myself the hour and a half of tv every night seems selfish; irresponsible. I feel that I'm abandoning my duties.
It's shitty to feel that way. So most of the time I just block it out. I've got to decompress at the end of the day.
Every (four) day (s out of the week) I get up, take care of kids till the second Megan comes home from work, then it's off to school, where I've got to catch up on homework and go to class. If I don't spend the weekends totally devoted to study, and just abandon Megan to the kids, I don't get all the reading done.
And I'm taking reading-intensive classes. And homework's piling up. I'm officially behind. (I don't need to do all my reading, do I?)
So it's 10:55, and instead of typing more, I'm going to go to bed, so's I can get up early and take care of my kids, whom I love and adore, my beautiful babies, all mine.
Seriously, did you see BB's hair in that last picture of my last entry? Fucking flock of seagulls, man. Just a flowing curly blonde fairy mop on top of that little head of hers.
It's not vain to say she's got a beautiful face, is it? Both my kids are beautiful, wonderful, magical, primal, primitive, conniving, antagonistic things. And they're stuck with me. I'm around for life. I didn't just dip into this dadhood thing to leave a job half-finished.
I can't imagine what it will be like they're older. 10-year olds, young to late teens, young women, middle-aged women. I'll be dead then, when they get middle-aged. I won't get to see them elderly and get to point and laugh at them and go, "Ha! See how it is!"
I'm really looking forward to seeing both what they'll look like and what their personalities will be.
And they won't be a total reflection of me because of the gender difference, so I can disavow any responsibility! Ha! Isn't that how that works? Oh, I'm getting word that experts are saying that gender is merely consequential and not a determinate for the passing on or not passing on of personality traits?
Right.
I know I got some of my mom's traits. Which is good, cause any more of my dad's, and I'd just want to kill myself. Wah! Waaaaah! Hi dad!
My girls will probably hate me for a while in their teenage years. I'm bracing myself now.
But.. I mean, how can they hate me when I give them all the metal and video games they could ever want? ..oooh, right, I'll have to buy them stuff.
Goodnight. It's 11:13, you bastards, keeping me up.
But my intention is to tell it like it is--in the moment. And to do some reporting from the sidelines like you don't normally get to see.
What single people don't experience is the day-to-day kid raising. It entails much more than that, but it can all be boiled down to--a change in everyday routine--you either have a kid and take care of it, or you don't and you have only yourself to take care of.
What parents don't usually do is talk to people outside of their home, during those day-to-day moments. Parents work, it's true, but it's coupled with kid-raising.
And in these moments of kid-raising, things can get pretty hairy. Kids make parents want to pull their hair out.
Do you know any parents? Do they say kid-raising is easy?
I want to give people a look inside the madness, from the trenches, by writing down exactly what I'm feeling, when I'm in the moment. It helps me self-medicate.
Right now in my life I've got a lot going on. School full-time, and raising kids. So shit is stressful and it's a perfect time to vent, right?
Giving myself the hour and a half of tv every night seems selfish; irresponsible. I feel that I'm abandoning my duties.
It's shitty to feel that way. So most of the time I just block it out. I've got to decompress at the end of the day.
Every (four) day (s out of the week) I get up, take care of kids till the second Megan comes home from work, then it's off to school, where I've got to catch up on homework and go to class. If I don't spend the weekends totally devoted to study, and just abandon Megan to the kids, I don't get all the reading done.
And I'm taking reading-intensive classes. And homework's piling up. I'm officially behind. (I don't need to do all my reading, do I?)
So it's 10:55, and instead of typing more, I'm going to go to bed, so's I can get up early and take care of my kids, whom I love and adore, my beautiful babies, all mine.
Seriously, did you see BB's hair in that last picture of my last entry? Fucking flock of seagulls, man. Just a flowing curly blonde fairy mop on top of that little head of hers.
It's not vain to say she's got a beautiful face, is it? Both my kids are beautiful, wonderful, magical, primal, primitive, conniving, antagonistic things. And they're stuck with me. I'm around for life. I didn't just dip into this dadhood thing to leave a job half-finished.
I can't imagine what it will be like they're older. 10-year olds, young to late teens, young women, middle-aged women. I'll be dead then, when they get middle-aged. I won't get to see them elderly and get to point and laugh at them and go, "Ha! See how it is!"
I'm really looking forward to seeing both what they'll look like and what their personalities will be.
And they won't be a total reflection of me because of the gender difference, so I can disavow any responsibility! Ha! Isn't that how that works? Oh, I'm getting word that experts are saying that gender is merely consequential and not a determinate for the passing on or not passing on of personality traits?
Right.
I know I got some of my mom's traits. Which is good, cause any more of my dad's, and I'd just want to kill myself. Wah! Waaaaah! Hi dad!
My girls will probably hate me for a while in their teenage years. I'm bracing myself now.
But.. I mean, how can they hate me when I give them all the metal and video games they could ever want? ..oooh, right, I'll have to buy them stuff.
Goodnight. It's 11:13, you bastards, keeping me up.
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