But I take evening classes, so I've gotta wait until 4:30. Lemme see what my schedule is, I'll write it down for you (it'll help me remember) ...
Autumn Quarter Class Schedule:
Two communication classes, one political science.
And full-time, too! Last school year, Fall-Winter-Spring, I took two classes at a time, just cause I didn't want to totally be ultra-super-busy.
That was fine. But it's time I live in the present. Being ultra-super-busy (USB) is what it's going to take to get my life in order, so being USB it is and I'm going to have to like it.
My money's being held up in the wracket jackets of the financial aid offices, though, and that's been stressing me out. They say it's going to take "approximately 60 days" to sort out. Gross.
Also there were a few other things going on this week that really stressed me out, on top of the money thing, things I'm not going to go into. I tried it--going into it. I laid my thoughts down on paper, but that process took so long, and caused me to detailededly think about my problems so focusedly that I ...
I was just kinda wallowing around in angry mush while I should have been concentrating on my family, and I turned into a mega bitch and ended up kind of exploding at my kids and wife.
So that sucked. It was pretty bad. Sometimes I fly off the handle, that was a 8 out of 10 on the Rychkter scale.
But Megan and I talked it out, and it gave me perspective. Talking it out helped, and I recommend all dads try that with their significant others.
If you feel like you're losing it, just talk about it, and be honest.
I've changed my behavior. I'm being nice now, I promise. I know there will be other times when I'm tested with life's outside pressures, combined with the pressure from the inside of the delerium doldrums of raising kids.
I mean, yeah kids are great, but shit man, this shit is hard.
Some days.
Time-consuming, I should say. The hardest part, as Louis C.K. said, is the boredom. The waiting. The sitting on the floor with them and letting them be kids. The pretending that everything they do is awesome, so that they build up self-confidence, and having to mean it every time you say it.
You sort of start saying these routine things without saying them, thinking about other things you're doing, completely compartmentalizing your kids' needs in your mind, along with household chores and whatever else is going on. So basically you take on this tone of voice that's completely instinctual, it just comes out of you. It must be the most boring shit to hear.
I've ended up reminding myself of my parents so much now that I just take it as a given. I sound like my mom and my dad when I talk, and it's unavoidable, and I just don't care anymore. Why should I let that bother me. There's too much else to do. Genetics and learning and the brain are what they are.
Lastly, one thing Megan said to me was particularly effecting. I said to her, after expressing regret at having yelled way too loud at Lucy, that I am not cut out for this parenting thing.
Then Megan reminded me of how much my girls love and trust me, and how I take good care of them every day. That made me feel a lot better.
The vast majority of the time, things are fine, and I do alright.
I'm ready to start school today.
Autumn Quarter Class Schedule:
COM 343 EFFECTS OF MASS CMU MW 700- 920P
COM 444 PUB RELTN & SOCIETY TTh 430- 650P
POL S 405 AM POLITICS ADV SEM MW 430- 650P
Two communication classes, one political science.
And full-time, too! Last school year, Fall-Winter-Spring, I took two classes at a time, just cause I didn't want to totally be ultra-super-busy.
That was fine. But it's time I live in the present. Being ultra-super-busy (USB) is what it's going to take to get my life in order, so being USB it is and I'm going to have to like it.
My money's being held up in the wracket jackets of the financial aid offices, though, and that's been stressing me out. They say it's going to take "approximately 60 days" to sort out. Gross.
Also there were a few other things going on this week that really stressed me out, on top of the money thing, things I'm not going to go into. I tried it--going into it. I laid my thoughts down on paper, but that process took so long, and caused me to detailededly think about my problems so focusedly that I ...
I was just kinda wallowing around in angry mush while I should have been concentrating on my family, and I turned into a mega bitch and ended up kind of exploding at my kids and wife.
So that sucked. It was pretty bad. Sometimes I fly off the handle, that was a 8 out of 10 on the Rychkter scale.
But Megan and I talked it out, and it gave me perspective. Talking it out helped, and I recommend all dads try that with their significant others.
If you feel like you're losing it, just talk about it, and be honest.
I've changed my behavior. I'm being nice now, I promise. I know there will be other times when I'm tested with life's outside pressures, combined with the pressure from the inside of the delerium doldrums of raising kids.
I mean, yeah kids are great, but shit man, this shit is hard.
Some days.
Time-consuming, I should say. The hardest part, as Louis C.K. said, is the boredom. The waiting. The sitting on the floor with them and letting them be kids. The pretending that everything they do is awesome, so that they build up self-confidence, and having to mean it every time you say it.
You sort of start saying these routine things without saying them, thinking about other things you're doing, completely compartmentalizing your kids' needs in your mind, along with household chores and whatever else is going on. So basically you take on this tone of voice that's completely instinctual, it just comes out of you. It must be the most boring shit to hear.
I've ended up reminding myself of my parents so much now that I just take it as a given. I sound like my mom and my dad when I talk, and it's unavoidable, and I just don't care anymore. Why should I let that bother me. There's too much else to do. Genetics and learning and the brain are what they are.
Lastly, one thing Megan said to me was particularly effecting. I said to her, after expressing regret at having yelled way too loud at Lucy, that I am not cut out for this parenting thing.
Then Megan reminded me of how much my girls love and trust me, and how I take good care of them every day. That made me feel a lot better.
The vast majority of the time, things are fine, and I do alright.
I'm ready to start school today.
I'm sympathetic about parenting being hard and boring - but it is so worthwhile and Megan is so right that you do a good job as evidenced by your girls' love and trust in you. Have to laugh when you say you sound like your parents...Kathy and I have laughed many times and said, "I sound just like Mom!"
ReplyDeleteYou're a good dad - and yeah for some adult school time coming!
Aunt Coll