Hi!
Ya ever dump yer kid's poop in the toilet, straight outta their diaper, and when it hits the water it splashes up?
It might splash high or low, or any place a splash may go. Mm just finished bowl of oatmeal awesome. Glad to be finished eating before engaging in more toilet discussion. Ever notice oatmeal can look just like throwup! Ew, throwup! Digression aside, splashing toilet water is a menace.
Oh yeah, does anybody know how to toilet train a 2.7-year-old who has no interest in toilet training? Sheesh. I feel bad enough making her sit on that dreaded little green Ikea kid toilet. Simply finding the time is worse! Well, not true. I can always make time. The day is full of other kidtastic duties to complete; why not throw one more in there? I can be up and walking around and working all day, no problem.
Anyway, want to know my poopy trick? Hold the diaper just above the toilet water, so the splash splashes up and hits the diaper before it can travel anywhere.
Basically when you dump the poop out, you're holding the open, turd-laden diaper with two hands, and you've got to turn it around 180 degrees above the toilet to let it fall out. Know what I'm sayin? You're not gonna pick that shit up with your hands. Also, baby wipes are not flushable, so leaving it in the wipe and just flushing the wipe with it is a no-no. Nope, you've got to let the unadulterated poo fall in there, just like it does out of your own big ass.
Be an environmentally conscious parent, you. And don't just roll up poopy diapers and let them collect in whatever dirty diaper receptacle you put them in. It's not nice to the trash guys who have to pick it up and throw it on the landfill. Dump the poop out of the diaper--don't question it. You're a parent. Life is shit now. Get your hands dirty for your kids.
Revel in the shit of love.
Oh yeah, back to said trick--yep, you just turn that fucker over, above the toilet water, so the soiled side (inside) of the diaper is facing the water. But turn it over SLOWLY--and don't let it fall too far before it hits the water. This will decrease the distance the splash will travel. In addition--keep the fucker close to the toilet water--hold it inside the bowl, but without letting your hands touch the sides. Don't move the diaper away until after the shit hits the water and the splash hits the diaper. Catch the splash with the inside of the diaper, so it doesn't touch your hands.
Splashes spread the more they travel, right? A splash begins at a single point--the point at which an object hits the liquid--and spreads out from there. Catch the splash before it spreads. Otherwise you're wiping off your toilet bowl rim and getting your hands even dirtier, and wasting more time on this monotonous task.
Then, wad up the solid-shit-less diaper (as much as will fall out anyway--squishy shit doesn't always want to come off, and at that point, I say fuck it), throw it away, and most importantly--
WASH YOUR HANDS
Ya ever dump yer kid's poop in the toilet, straight outta their diaper, and when it hits the water it splashes up?
It might splash high or low, or any place a splash may go. Mm just finished bowl of oatmeal awesome. Glad to be finished eating before engaging in more toilet discussion. Ever notice oatmeal can look just like throwup! Ew, throwup! Digression aside, splashing toilet water is a menace.
Oh yeah, does anybody know how to toilet train a 2.7-year-old who has no interest in toilet training? Sheesh. I feel bad enough making her sit on that dreaded little green Ikea kid toilet. Simply finding the time is worse! Well, not true. I can always make time. The day is full of other kidtastic duties to complete; why not throw one more in there? I can be up and walking around and working all day, no problem.
Anyway, want to know my poopy trick? Hold the diaper just above the toilet water, so the splash splashes up and hits the diaper before it can travel anywhere.
Basically when you dump the poop out, you're holding the open, turd-laden diaper with two hands, and you've got to turn it around 180 degrees above the toilet to let it fall out. Know what I'm sayin? You're not gonna pick that shit up with your hands. Also, baby wipes are not flushable, so leaving it in the wipe and just flushing the wipe with it is a no-no. Nope, you've got to let the unadulterated poo fall in there, just like it does out of your own big ass.
Be an environmentally conscious parent, you. And don't just roll up poopy diapers and let them collect in whatever dirty diaper receptacle you put them in. It's not nice to the trash guys who have to pick it up and throw it on the landfill. Dump the poop out of the diaper--don't question it. You're a parent. Life is shit now. Get your hands dirty for your kids.
Revel in the shit of love.
Oh yeah, back to said trick--yep, you just turn that fucker over, above the toilet water, so the soiled side (inside) of the diaper is facing the water. But turn it over SLOWLY--and don't let it fall too far before it hits the water. This will decrease the distance the splash will travel. In addition--keep the fucker close to the toilet water--hold it inside the bowl, but without letting your hands touch the sides. Don't move the diaper away until after the shit hits the water and the splash hits the diaper. Catch the splash with the inside of the diaper, so it doesn't touch your hands.
Splashes spread the more they travel, right? A splash begins at a single point--the point at which an object hits the liquid--and spreads out from there. Catch the splash before it spreads. Otherwise you're wiping off your toilet bowl rim and getting your hands even dirtier, and wasting more time on this monotonous task.
Then, wad up the solid-shit-less diaper (as much as will fall out anyway--squishy shit doesn't always want to come off, and at that point, I say fuck it), throw it away, and most importantly--
WASH YOUR HANDS
When I find the trick to using the diaper sprayer without getting shit all over the toilet, myself, and walls then I too will get to type my blog post about it. Until then I just accept that I will always have a little bit of baby poop somewhere on my person.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be surprised when all of a sudden Lucy wants to use the "big girl" toilet. Bibi will probably get it earlier because she'll have a big sister as an example and encourager.
ReplyDelete