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2012-05-21

Nothing is going right today

Yesterday I spent all day preparing for an interview.

When I did the interview, it went really well. My subjects talked about some great stuff, there were great quotes, I was getting excited, they were getting excited, and we all were looking forward to the final product (2-min audio slideshow for class).

This morning, I go to transfer the audio from the recorder to my computer.

It's not there.

My face gets hot as my blood begins to boil.

I fucked up. Somehow. I don't know exactly how. But I fucked up.

My deadline is in two days.

I want to scream and punch a hole in a wall, but my kids are around. So I'm bottling it up and trying not to act like a dick, while my insides tremble with anger and fear.

See, last night was a re-interview. The first time I interviewed my subjects, I kept interjecting my own voice in there. I had no idea how not to be conversational, and as a result the audio was unusable. There was too much of me in there, laughing like a fool and saying, "Yeah," "Uh huh," "No kidding!" "Ha ha ha," "Really? No way!"

So I asked my subjects if I could re-do the interview. They said yes, and were gracious enough to let me into their home a second time, taking time out of their day to allow me to polish what I'd fucked up.

The interview was stellar! Some new stuff came up. I was quiet, and I let them talk. I came home glowing, confident, at ease, feeling accomplished and that I'd done well.

This morning, all in the space of a minute, it comes crashing down. As good as I felt last night, I feel the opposite now.

My dumb ass can't even make sure the recorder I rented is recording properly.

My dumb ass can't even figure out that you don't plug the mic into the headphone jack--I remember I did that yesterday.

My dumb ass can't figure out that the button labeled 'PLUG-IN POWER' has to be pressed to let the external mic pick up a signal.

I figured all this out this morning, as I'm searching thru the recorder's memory card over and over. Nothing. I begin experimenting to see what I might have done last night to let the audio from the interview slip out into thin air, lost forever.

I think I'll do better next time. The only problem is there won't be a next time--this is the final week of classes, and this whole interview project is the final project, due Wednesday.

As I'm typing this, Lucy is throwing herself on the floor right beside me because I won't put her clothes on for her. I'm not responding. It's the best I can do right now.

I had to change two poopy diapers before 7:30 a.m. today.

BB woke me up at 6:30 a.m. for the first one.

Blue's Clues is like razors in my ears.

I need to calm down. I'm very scared. And very disappointed in myself. Like, royally disappointed. I royally fucked up. I can't believe how stupid I was. Hurried, rushed, and inconsistent.

I didn't even get ambi.

Then I think about it for a minute, and call it beginner's bad luck. It doesn't help, but I'm trying to tell myself something.

I despise myself. It does not feel good. I slapped my face with both my hands, twice. I felt the hardness of my ring on my forehead. It made Beatrix cry.

I don't want to ask my subjects to do it a third time. That is not professional. I'm resigning myself to working with my shitty audio. My final project will be less than the awesome thing I intended it to be, but at least I'll have something.

Maybe I'll get by with a B in the class.
*•*•*•*
After I've kind of taken all this in, about an hour ago, I get a call from a prize sweepstakes thing. Turns out an online survey I completed last night, in order to get a $100 gift card for Gamestop, was, uh, successful.

They called me this morning, telling me I'd won! They were all like, "Congratulations!"

I was thinking, 'This should make today a little better.'

Then what happens? My phone drops the call. No signal. I try to call back, but an automated voice says, "Bye!" and it hangs up.

They haven't called back.

Nothing is going right today.

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