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2011-07-26

The Facebook Joke Incident

Goddam.

Lucy woke up and came into our room at 5:30 a.m. today. Now it's 6:40, she's watching Go Diego Go and I'm blogging and making coffee. May as well make hay while the sun shines.

Does that metaphor apply here? I dunno.

I couldn't sleep cause I started thinking about the Facebook Joke Incident (see previous entry). Megan had Beatrix in bed with us when Lucy came in, cause BB always wakes up around 5 a.m. and needs to feed. She always falls asleep for a good few hours after that, usually until 7:30. So after putting BB back in the crib to make room for Lucy, Megan had to hold her hands still so she wouldn't be grabbing our fingers and digging her nails into them (it calms her down).

Eventually Lu closed her eyes and appeared to be sleeping, but I was awake, thinking about my mom getting all offended by this joke I made and bringing my dad in on it. I can see it now--mom was probably at home, getting all worked up about me saying on Facebook that I was considering wringing Lucy's neck for hitting. Probably crying. And my father, good man that he is, wanted to make his wife feel better. So he types up a scolding lecture, detailing points that are obvious, most likely thinking I'm the only one who would read it after mom sent to me.

And then mom posts it to my wall, not in a private message. And then three other parents (2 from my family) and my older cousin Laurel comment on it, in agreement with my dad, offering more helpful advice of their own. As if I need this advice, to be backed off from the edge of a cliff. As if I'm actually going to make good on my joke about wringing my beautiful daughter's neck. As if I'm some kind of moronic, reactionary redneck from Michigan. It's an insult, and it comes after I got fired from my job for something I didn't deserve to get fired for. So not only do I get to be embarrassed at my dad scolding me publicly on Facebook, when I'm more fragile than I care to be, I additionally get to hear the choir backing him up. Wonderful.

What irks me the most is that my parents are being hypocrites. They used to spank me as a kid, something I will never do to my kids. So I'm actually less violent to my kids than they were to me. Another thing--my mom used to say to me, with a smile, "Glenn, I'm gonna wring your little neck!" occasionally when I did something naughty. And now she's angry, nay, disgusted and made ill at me saying, on Facebook, the exact same thing she used to say to me. I'm not even saying it to my kid!

If I were to hit my kids, it would make them safer if I advertised it on Facebook, so other concerned parties would have an excuse to call Child Protective Services on me! It's another thing if you actually tell your kids that you're going to be violent to them. That way, no one else will hear it, and it stays private and much more frightening.

Another thing--joking about violence towards your misbehaving children is funny! Kids are known to act like little shits, which makes parents infinitely frustrated and angry, and what is anyone's first thought when someone pisses them off? To hit them! Of course, most people have the restraint not to hit, but to use words to diffuse angry situations. And parents are champs at this. So to joke about it is not only funny, it's relieving--you put your kid's aggravating misbehavior in a light light, and thereby become less angry yourself. It's therapeutic. My therapist dad, who introduced me to Monty Python and taught me to have my dry and horrible sense of humor (my brother's words--thanx Ian), should have realized that.

He started off his Facebook lecture with, " ... I never look at Facebook, have no use for it ... " Obviously he does.

And to say that I tore my mom's heart out was out of line. My parents are just as guilty as I. But my dad lost his mother when he was around my age, so I can understand that he wants me to respect mine to the utmost.

Laying in bed with Lu and Megan this morning, with BB in the crib, all three of my precious girls sleeping soundly, I lie awake, with all this running around in my head. I was almost able to take my mind off of it. It would wander to Dethklok and other things I admire, and I would get a little more tired, but then sure as klokwork, the Facebook Joke Incident kept coming back.

So I got up. Got some socks and slippers. Lucy opened her eyes as soon as I got out of bed. I've gotta hand it to her, she was honestly trying to sleep, which is evidence of her getting older and more mature. She still doesn't have much of a concept of time, like when it is and isn't time to get up, but she's getting more and more of a handle on it.

I thought she would go back to sleep. Ha ha, dad. How silly of you. Of course she got up to hang out. And of course I rewarded this bad behavior with tv and food and drink, but I don't care. If someone's not tired, they shouldn't be forced to sleep. I can handle not having my usual 7.2 hours. And it may mean she takes an earlier nap.

Before she got out of bed, though, I deleted my mom as a friend from Facebook. Ha ha ha ha..... if she wants to see new pictures of her grandchildren, she'll have to play nice and drop this pearl-clutching, Christian outrage. I'm not having it.

1 comment:

  1. You've certainly had time to analyze your situation as it was running through your head. Though I'm no parent, I sympathize. Frustration is the worst. Miscommunication sucks. Doubtless if you had said this to your mom in person it could have been resolved instantly rather than imploding and going supernova while you were blissfully unaware, lurking in the shadows of facebook and escalating from an innocent offhand comment to "serious business" in milliseconds and leaving you with the uncomfortable sensation of having the rug pulled out from under you. I hate that shit. That said, holding out on your mom risks further escalation, but obviously I don't know in what tone that was intended and don't want to become another victim of communicative error. Bottom line: you're correct in presuming you did nothing wrong. Forget about it, those racing thoughts will drive you insane.

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