Christmas and Louis C.K.

Christmas

It's the end of Megan's work week today and we've got Friday and Saturday off just like usual and that's just fine with me. We've got fun stuff planned for both days and Christmas definitely attracts me towards its rupturous cheer. I am metal, but I like to get and give presents too. No one dislikes that. And the big wrapped pile of them sitting around strung lights... ahh. Good stuff.

Reminds me of when I was a wee lad, getting up at 6 a.m. and waking my parents and going for the stockings. The sheer excitement was better than the actual unwrapping of the presents. I would say I was most happy in the days preceding Christmas morning, when we had our present-opening tradition. The morning of, when you can wake up and be a kid and know you've got a shitload of presents to open, was the height of Christmas happiness to me.

There was a gradual decline of happiness levels, but it didn't really leave completely until like three days after. Especially if there was snow on the ground. That just made it better for me. I love snow.

But not in Seattle I don't. Snow makes this city shit a brick.

This little family of mine has the smallest Christmas tree ever and it's got bracelets on it, but it couldn't seem any bigger to me. We've got our first pile of wrapped gifts, Megan's pregnant, and our family is tizzighter than the nucleus of the Big ol' Bang.

Louis C.K.

So last week I hit a peak of getting really into Louis C.K., delving in full force. Eventually I got tired of watching the short clips that YouTube has to offer, so I decided to watch a full-length standup routine on my Wii's Netflix channel (works much smoother than PS3 Netflix channel).

There were two LCK movies to choose from. One of them is just an episode of "Comedy Central Presents", and he had a tie on and it was overproduced and the swear words were bleeped and he didn't talk about his family. BORING.

"Chewed Up", the other movie Netflix has to offer, is the good one. He's wearing all black, and it's in a big hall in Boston in 2008. It's a beautiful routine, all things considered. Megan has been saying that he's the best comic we've had since George Carlin, and I can't help but agree. The guy has got a flow about him. It's natural, the way he talks during his routine. It all comes from his life, with embellishments thrown in here and there. Well, everywhere. But it's never not funny.

Except where he started talking about how he had his dog lick cottage cheese off his balls when he was a teenager.

But now that I watched "Chewed Up", I've been feeling fucked up. The negativity of it all has been sticking to me. It's been a day and a half and I can't stop thinking about it. The guy is brutal.

Maybe it's different for me because I can directly relate to him. I'm a dad with a daughter. He's got two, though, and he had them when he was older than me. I think younger people are sort of more easily able to deal with and relate to kids. And that's why his negativity toward childrearing (expressed in his act, if not in his personal life) was so surprising to me at first. It really began to grow on me, cause I was feeling frustrated lately with not only Lucy, but my as-yet-unborn.

There were possible developmental problems. We have learned today, however, that the baby is fine, and I'm really really relieved and happy. I'm going to have a healthy second child. Boy or girl, I don't care. It will be beautiful and it will be mine. So, dealing with that, and then hearing Louis C.K.'s bit, was a strange combination.

But Lucy was being naughty with naps for the last couple of days, so I was feeling some natural frustration that comes from childrearing, and LCK's message hit home for me, though it was, at first, surprising.

I then started feeling comfortable with this way of looking at your kids, by seeing them as the little monsters they can appear to be.And then it went beyond that, and I sort of manifested those feelings. It got so bad, that with mine and Lucy's stubbornness combined, we had a really big fight yesterday.

It was classic. We were both siding with ourselves. I was trying to express dominance and she was rebelling. Simple, right? It escalated from there and made us both a little insane right up until today. She didn't sleep well last night, and got up real early, and was groggy all day today.

Fights suck.

As a dad, I feel this need sometimes to get really angry and frustrated and insane dealing with the monotony and ... I dunno, the hard times with my kid. There needs to be some sort of catharsis somewhere in there. Some release of the negative energy. And that's exactly what Louis C.K. did onstage. He bitches about his kids a lot, and his wife. It made me want to sort of follow that example, but I may have taken it too far.

Overall, I love his comedy. It was so good it fucked me up a little. I can't forget it. He's a lot like George Carlin, who he dedicated the movie to. But the message can be dangerous in the wrong hands. Like metal fathers' hands. I have to learn more restraint. But also I was afraid for my unborn and not quite right in the head.

Don't worry, my kid has no bruises. None that came from me, anyway. I can yell, and I sometimes hold her face to the floor, but I never hit. And I never will, tempting as it seems some moments.

Epilogue

I was depressed yesterday. Today I'm not. And Lucy took a nap like clockwork right at noon.