Fear

Fear is the mindkiller; the Little Death. My dad used to say that. I didn't get it at the time, but now I do. Lucy, however, doesn't.

For starters, she's deathly afraid of the big vacuum, and just slightly, slightly less afraid of our new DIRT DEVIL 8,000,000XXX, or some approximation, created by Dirt Devil registered copyrighted trademark brand vacuum cleaners, and it's just a little thing that I love. Cleaning crumbs has never been so easy.

And so fun!

But Lucy frickin freaks out. It takes her a good 20 min. to recover from it. Here's a typical vacuum freakout detailed in easy and fun-to-read steps.

1. Initial Realization
     - usually jolly facial expression goes cold
     - mouth contorts into grimace
     - eyes widen

2. Fear Sets In
     - day just got shitty
     - hands begin trembling, face gets red
     - whimpers ensue
3. Explode
     - eyes raining tears
     - running around screaming
     - 3/4 panic mode Defcon 4
4. Cool Down
     - vacuum away
     - fear mostly away
     - the longest step (process takes approx. 20 min.)

There you have it. God Help Us All if the big vacuum comes out. There we have immediate Defcon 5/Code Red and it lasts for about an hour, AFTER the vacuum gets put away.

Today I had to pull the DD out to clean up some crumbs she left from a cereal bar, on the automan. She ate the whole thing in like five seconds, but that's beside the point. I knew I had to pull the thing out and put it into use, and it couldn't wait until she had her nap cause that was like 4 hours away. Preparations were in order.

So I walked over to the corner of the room where the thing's charging. I pointed to it, and told her that I had to use it. Then I suggested that she go into her room and close the door to lessen the noise. So after she processed that, through the ensuing panic that came Before I Even Turned The Thing On, she went into her room, clutching her cup of milk for some kind of comfort. I closed her door for her, turned the thing on, and proceeded to vacuum the shit out of those crumbs.

And you know what? The automan is cleaner now, and the surrounding carpet. Fantastic!

She then had her cool-down period, realizing the vacuum was put away, was not going to be brought out again, and that the world was slowly returning to its standard, working, palatable order.

Another funny thing. I needed to make a phone call, but my computer was on my lap and I was too lazy to get up and get it. I looked around the room to see where it was; saw it; said, "Oh man, I need to make a phone call, but there's my phone. It's too far away."

So what did Lucy do? She went and grabbed it for me! What a little sweetie. She's my sweetie pie.

I made a phone call. Had a marvelous time! Then, hanging up, I looked at the phone. It had food on it. Then I was wiping my head.