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2010-11-19

Tantrums and discipline

Parents ready to throw down

Okay, Lucy's 20 months old. That means she can really throw tantrums. Stronger and longer lasting than ever before. I'm talking everything she does includes a cry, whether she wants to do said thing or not, and whether she wants to cry or not. The slightest thing will cause her to explode, especially saying something like, "Come on Lucy, it's time to brush teeth."

It's almost like a skip on a record when she's insane like that. She gets caught in a loop. She starts crying and it escalates and she wants to see how much further she can push it. It's sort of like an endurance race, I hypothesize. She's getting older and wants to push boundaries as far as her newfound strength, awareness and other results of growth will let her.

But then when the tantrum gets to be as big as it can be, she doesn't see that she should stop. Maybe it's that it's more difficult to stop than to keep going. Maybe it's like when you embarrass yourself, and part of you just wants to keep going rather than look stop and look at what you're doing, thus letting that embarrassing shame affect you.

As a kid, I threw nightly tantrums for a time, somewhere between the ages of six and eight. My whole family was probably like, "Jesus, shut up already." The thing is, they wouldn't punish me or force me stop. I think that was maybe because I was amping up the pity factor for myself. I was learning how to manipulate them somehow with crying about how hard everything was. School, life, whatever. But life wasn't hard for me back then.

I'm more likely than my parents were to put Lucy's face onto the floor and keep it there until she stops crying. I've done it once, and I almost did it last night. I'm not having anyone screaming in my place for that long without me doing whatever I can to put a stop to it.

I'm bigger, and I'm the boss. She throws fits, I make her stop. I win; I'm the dada. I am God. And holding her onto the floor, not pushing her into it, but holding her down, facedown, usually works within seconds.

Then I make sure to give her some love after it. Hugs and nice words and kisses.

I don't care if she is growing another molar. It can't be that bad. I mean, mouth pain doesn't cause you to totally lose your shit, does it? Neither does diaper rash. Maybe all that, combined with frustration of both wanting to talk, and not wanting to at the same time (which seems to be her clashing, frustrating problem), is the cause of the tantrums. Tantrums are never called for, and they will be stopped in their tracks in my house.

Just now, as I'm typing this right now, she's hollering about a diaper change. She's got a rash, and it's nap time for sure. It really really really gets under my skin when she does this. Makes me shake. Makes me worried, then angry, then angry that I was worried at all, and angry that aside from all that I'm still worried. Anger and worry. A potent emotional cocktail.

And this morning at Beth's, she was close to throwing one before we left. I eventually let her run down the aisle and up to other tables just to keep her from losing her shit, goddam baby

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